Pathetic

“You are pathetic.” I don’t think I had ever been insulted so badly verbally. It could have been that the person that said it is someone that I care about very much. Or it could have just been the word itself. Maybe both. Regardless, it hurt and did some damage to that relationship. Please understand that as an adult and a Christian, I completely realize that I have the choice of whether or not to identify with the things that others may label me as. BUT – I am also human and I was created very emotionally-centered. Sometimes that is my greatest strength…and sometimes it is my demise. In this case, it was definitely the latter. I must have replayed it over and over in my head about a thousand times until something pretty significant hit me. Probably the one thing that would change my opinion of myself forever.

Pathetic is defined as: “miserably or contemptibly inadequate” and put in a sentence as “sadly desperate” – wow. This made me feel entirely worse than I felt just replaying the word “pathetic” over and over in my head. As I was driving, I immediately began to feel the need to ask God why this person would use that word to describe me. Probably to hurt me or take a jab at how different my personality was than their own. Immediately after I asked that question, though, I began to think of all of the people in the bible that God used for His glory – even when they may have seemed to be the most unqualified, desperate and yes, even pathetic. Their names started downloading as if I had just read each one of their stories and then, this verse hit me:

Consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

1 Corinthians 1:26-29

I immediately imagined God. He was sitting on His throne…looking down on His creation. But He was yawning at all the ones that thought their vast accomplishments or talented resumes impressed Him AT ALL. I think they mean absolutely nothing to Him; UNLESS that person has humility. Some may say that those “humble” people are pathetic – you know, those ones that are willing to beg, cry or remind others what God has said. Are they really pathetic though? Or do they have the ability to feel what others may not. Maybe – just maybe - they have the ability to tap into God’s heart and feel just a minuscule shred of what He feels when He sees one of His children going the wrong direction or hanging onto corruptible pride.

Here’s the thing…

I have no major accolades.

No impressive inventions or NY Times best sellers.

No major awards.

No parties being thrown in my honor.

No one is singing my praises.

I don’t make millions.

I don’t have the ability to contribute much according to worldly standards.

BUT – what I do have is a real desire to know Him and who He created me to be more and more each day. It may not always be pretty, but I have this anxiousness deep in my gut to find out what He wants me to accomplish while I am here.

As I drove home from dropping my son off at school, it was like He was having a personal 30-minute devotional with me on whether or not being “pathetic” was actually a bad thing. Was the woman reaching out for Jesus’ garment desperate and pathetic? Yup. What about the friends lowering their paralyzed friend through a hole in the roof of someone else’s house for a chance to be healed? Definitely desperate! Then I thought about Jairus – maybe one of the most ridiculously pathetic and desperate – willing to sacrifice his reputation and career in the synagogue to beg and plead for his daughter’s healing. All of these people received healing and restoration because they were willing to lose their pride and acknowledge themselves as pathetic, desperate and entirely inadequate compared to His power. It is in those moments that He has the ability to rush in and place strength in the areas that we are weak. As I pulled into our driveway, I realized that if I am in fact “pathetic” – then I must be in good company and on the right track. I can be at peace that I don’t have to battle pride or worry about embarrassing myself in order to stand for what God says is true. If you have been labeled something like this because of what you are believing for or because you are desperate to see His promises come to pass, don’t grow weary. I choose to believe that it is just a sign that we are getting closer and closer to what He says He will do.

Isaiah 38:7

The Lord will do what He says.